Myrtle Beach, SC

I am on the road again.  I come into Myrtle Beach with such disappointment.  It is overly developed, with traffic jams, construction and my enthusiasm for being here has decreased tremendously.  I drive by many hotels, but I am looking for something that is small, affordable, and friendly.

I come across one that only has a few floors amongst the giants of the area.  I get this incredible deal for the week - it is at a hostel price for a private room, with a balcony and a view of the ocean.  The benefits of visiting during off season, I suppose.  But, I can be at the beach in any season, in any weather, so it doesn't matter to me if it is off-season or not.   I have spent winter days on the beach, with a picnic with hot chocolate and building sand castles.  I have sat under a beach pavilion, reading my novel in stormy weather.  If I had the opportunity, I would probably be one of those who would runs to the ocean during a hurricane.

Myrtle Beach is a great walking beach.  Walking is my meditation.  I spent many early mornings before my hour drive to work in Boston, walking the streets before life invaded them.  Now, here, I can walk for miles on hard sand, while reaping the healing benefits of the ocean (and ignoring the sky-scraper hotels).  I also go swimming, but for those natives of Myrtle Beach the water is much too cold.  For me, a New Englander, the water is certainly swimmable.

I spent most of my time either walking on the beach or sitting and reading on the beach.  I must be changing my signal, because I meet people along the way as I walk and am approached by people during my sits.  An older man begins a conversation with me, using my book as the opening topic.  Over the course of the next few days, he comes to visit me, inviting me to dinner and to spend time with him.  I enjoy the conversations, but I decline the invitations.  I have begun to sense his attraction to me, and I don't feel the same.  I am in my 40's and he in his 70's...I don't even think about this being a possibility due to the age difference.  Not that I don't think it could happen to someone, but this was not for me.  My radar to find a romantic partner isn't even on, never mind with someone 30 years older.


He is a nice guy however, and we connect because he is a 12 stepper.  I easily recognize the lingo and deduce that he attends a 12 step group.  I had been in Al-anon for many years, but had reached a point where it was no longer supportive of my spiritual growth and I sought support outside of that group, and outside of any organized religion.  I grew up Catholic and no long practiced this either.  This native of South Carolina was deeply involved in both.  So, even if I did have any attraction, this would have been a deal breaker for me.  We communicated via email for a short while after but I couldn't handle all of the 'god' talk.  We parted with an open invitation that if I ever came back to SC, then I was welcome to visit.  That was a perfect way to end it for me.

Again, I am tempted to stay here.  It is affordable and I am right on the beach....perfect....however, I don't.  The need to keep on moving is still with me.  In retrospect, I wish I had stayed longer in some of these places and let myself experience more.  Yet, at the time, I was where I was in my thinking and emotionally and I accept it.  I left.....heading towards supportive friends, albeit away from the coast.  I say my good-byes to the ocean and head West.

On the Road

I am driving a Ford Focus that is already 8 years old with plenty of miles.  I had been living in the Boston area, doing an hour commute, each way, to READS Collaborative, working as a teacher of the Deaf.  For most of those 10 years at READS, I had the Focus.  What I love about it is that it is spacious yet compact, affordable and good on gas mileage.  It is zippy!  The color:  champagne, although technically it is called tan...but to me, it is not tan!  Most recently, my Focus that was being driven by my sister's kids while I travel, passed on...it was a good 11 years.  

Anyway...I am on the road again after visiting Virginia Beach, The Outer Banks, NC and am heading toward Myrtle Beach, SC.  The Focus is my home on the road.  It carries all that I have and it is the one valuable thing that I own outside of small trinkets of sentimental (and spiritual) value.   As I head South down the Eastern coast, I drive about 6-8 hours a day.  I want to enjoy the journey and not just get to the goal.  I stop along the way.  I stay away from the restaurant chains and venture into local places.

I am still struggling with my fear as I drive and each time I stop and make a transition into the real world.  I am not quite as relaxed as I want to be, but I am recognizing that this solo road trip is a profound experience that will help me let go and allow myself to trust and be free at the cellular level.  I am striving and desiring to be lighthearted, carefree, and in joy, to the fullest.   In some ways, as I drive, my car has become my safe haven where I don't have to put out any energy into anything that is challenging for me.  However, I find that when I do interact, my enthusiasm for this trip, for the freedom that I do feel is evident and all my interactions are pleasant and supportive.

A Solo Journey

I am sending out vibrational signals that I am on a solo journey.  I have been at the beach in NC for 4 days now and I have had only minimal conversations.  The signal:  I am not open to interactions.  My desire to interact is almost non-existent so I can understand this signal.  I am tired.  I sit on the beach and I read.  A woman comes over to ask my permission if she can take a photo for her brochure for her B&B.  I give her permission.  Other than this, I have not talked to a soul while on the beach.

                         

Wright Brothers Memorial

I take a drive around the Outer Banks, with my camera. I am connecting with my desire to learn about photography. It makes my heart sing when I imagine traveling the world with a camera, taking time to see the world through a different lens, and capturing it. As I begin to do this, I stop more often and I see differently.

What I loved about growing up and living in New England was going to the beach and seeing lighthouses.  I have always had this dream of living in one - how unique of an experience would that be!  So, as I drove around the Outer Banks I was pleased to see lighthouses.  In this photo, the birds trigger a memory of a framed picture that was given to me in college by a good friend.  It was a photo of an eagle with the caption, "Someday I will try my wings."  I realize how long this dream of traveling and being a free spirit has been with me.  

I was tempted to stay in NC for more time - it is absolutely beautiful here.  But my thought process is to keep moving, to stay on the road so that I can develop that sense of flow and freedom.   I am seeking something that is hard to explain, but I know that moving and experiencing as much as I can is the way to find it.  Maybe it is the result of staying put for too long in Boston, or maybe I am just connecting or trying to connect with my authentic self,  that of a nomadic spirit.  

I pack up and get on the road again.  I am heading towards South Carolina, another new place for me.  What keeps me going when I start to doubt what I am doing is to remind myself that moving and experiencing new places will open up something for me that wasn't happening in Boston.  One never knows who you'll meet or what will happen or the opportunities that will be offered to you while you travel.  I try to stay open...